i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
