You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
