Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
