he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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