wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
