The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
