just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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