I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
