I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
