I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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