So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
