I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
