My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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