It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
