Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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