covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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