I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
