This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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