I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
