y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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