I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
