Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
