Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
