Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
