A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
