I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
