I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
