the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
