it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
