3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As shirtless as possible
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The Olympian is in my bed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
