the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
