Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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