Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
