Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
