i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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