I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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