Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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