Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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