Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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