Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
