Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
