If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
