shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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