i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dignity is for republicans.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
