i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
