I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
