you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
