Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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