my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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