Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
