I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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