A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They have beer where we have blood.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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