I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
