K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
