Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
