Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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