Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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