at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
