I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
