i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
